


Confessions

by kronette



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 07:55:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about Garak's past, as he tells it to Bashir. </p><p>Smiling coyly, he kissed the tailor lightly. "Are you sure I can't make up for being late?" Julian purred as he kissed along the Cardassian's jawline, up to his ridged ear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 1996

Garak rang the doctor's chime with some trepidation. Yes, he had teased Julian at lunch. Yes, he had flirted outrageously. And yes, Julian had invited him to his quarters this evening, to finish off their 'conversation'. But now that the moment had arrived, Garak was having second thoughts. Was this what he really wanted?

 _Of course it is_ , an exasperated voice echoed in his head. _You've been wanting to get into the doctor's bed since the first day you saw him_.

"Hush," he murmured to himself, adjusting his tunic nervously.

The door slid open and Garak stepped inside, noting the muted lighting.

"Doctor?" he called cautiously into the room, not hearing any sound except his heart pounding in his chest. Looking further around, he noted the glasses on the table, but nothing to drink.

The door burst open behind him, and a very out-of-breath Julian Bashir raced through, nearly knocking the Cardassian over.

"Garak! I'm so sorry. I programmed the computer to let you in, in case I was a bit late," he apologized, breathing heavy. He was being held loosely in Garak's arms, his chest just touching the intricate design of the Cardassian's tunic. "I'm sorry," Julian repeated huskily, smiling warmly at the tailor.

"It's - all right," Garak assured the young man in his arms. Swallowing, he realized Julian undoubtedly knew of his erection. He lowered his gaze from the Human's startling dark eyes, to find them focused on his full lips, parted slightly. The tip of the doctor's pink tongue darted out, moistening the lower lip.

"Are you sure? You don't look sure," Julian murmured, sliding his hands along the Cardassian's back. Smiling coyly, he kissed the tailor lightly. "Are you sure I can't make up for being late?" Julian purred as he kissed along the Cardassian's jawline, up to his ridged ear.

Garak felt his knees weakening. Not only was Julian doing  _exactly_ what he had been dreaming he would do, he was doing it better than he could ever have imagined. When his tongue flicked over his neckridge, he bucked against the Human, growling.

His voice was raspy as he asked again, "Julian, do you truly want this? Because once I start, I won't be able to stop."

"Is that a promise?" Julian teased, his hands settling possessively on the Cardassian's ass, his eyes twinkling mischievously at him.

Julian moaned as Garak's cool hands slid around his waist, brushing lightly at his sensitive sides. His chest expanded lightly as his breathing grew more labored, short gasps now as the Cardassian's fingers teased at the opening of his uniform.

Garak chuckled nervously as Julian's own slender fingers closed over his, urging him to move faster. "Easy, my love. Don't you know that some things are worth taking their time for? Worth waiting for?"

Julian's emotion-choked voice whispered, "But Garak, I've been waiting for four years. Please don't make me wait any longer." He looked at Garak through lowered lashes, making him the utter picture of seduction.

Garak sighed lightly at his precious doctor's words. He slipped his cool hands inside the uniform, teasing the top over the slim shoulders to gather at Julian's waist. The lavender turtleneck was tugged off quickly, tousling Julian's hair. Garak felt his erection straining against his pants as the doctor's golden-hued skin was revealed, slightly darker nipples hardening as the cool air touched them; at the anticipation of a lovers' touch.

"Garak, come here," Julian growled, his thin arms encircling the broader Cardassian and pulling him tightly against him. They both moaned as their erections touched; hampered by the cloth between them. "Get this off of me," Julian whispered, begging with his toffee-colored eyes.

"Gladly," Garak breathed, curling his hands around the bunched-up fabric and pulling down sharply, Julian stepping carefully out of his shoes and uniform.

"Now your turn." Julian's smile was possessive as his fingers worked the fastenings on the tailor's outfit. He nearly moaned as the Cardassian's stocky build was revealed; reptillian-like scales covered much of the upper body, but smoothed as his gaze traveled farther down Garak's physique.

His hands roamed over that exotic skin; cool to the touch, leathery in feel. He sighed lightly, then pulled Garak against him sharply. "I want to feel you inside me," Julian growled, thrusting his tongue deep inside the shocked Cardassian's mouth.

Panic welled up in Garak's chest, until he felt as if it would consume him. Wrenching out of the doctor's embrace, he moaned, "Stop. Please," moving further away from Julian, trembling.

Startled, staring in shock, Julian asked, "Elim, what's -"

"Don't call me that! Please," the Cardassian begged, sinking to his knees.

Julian kneeled next to him, murmuring words of comfort. "I'm sorry Garak. I didn't know it would upset you. I never meant to hurt you."

The words washed over the Cardassian, but they didn't come from the Human in front of him. They emanated from his past, from a former lover.

"No. You hurt me more than you could ever know. How _dare_ you hurt me!" Garak cried, flinging Julian from him, moving to the middle of the room.

Stunned, Julian moved toward him, shaking stars from his vision.

"Garak, what's happening? What's wrong?"

"Wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. Tain." With that snapped outburst, Garak turned his back on the Human, folding his arms tightly against his chest.

Julian approached cautiously; he knew the Cardassian's strength. He had grappled with him two years ago, when he lost control over his brain implant. At least then he understood. Now, Garak wasn't making any sense. Lying a warm hand on the cool skin, Julian asked softly, "Garak, what did Tain do?"

"Tain - I can barely speak his name, it enrages me so! The -" Garak broke off into a string of Cardassian insults, most of which were lost on the Human. When he calmed down, Garak continued. "Tain has taken even you away from me."

Julian's brow furrowed. "But how? I'm right here."

Garak shook his head, his eyes closing as he explained, "He's taken you from me, just as he's taken away every one of my lovers. By my inability to have them."

The doctor's head spun at the conversation around him. "What? What does Tain have to do with this?" He shook his head, deciding to stick to what he was sure of. "I'm right here. And I  _want_ you, Garak. I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't taunt me, doctor." - Julian flinched at the formality - "Tain has everything to do with this. He had been my lover for most of my young adulthood. He was also the one who sent me into exile."

"My god," Julian whispered. "He did that to you?"

"I did that to myself," Garak spat before squeezing his eyes tightly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you this. Just ignore me; leave me; it would be better..."

"Garak, I will not ignore you!" Julian cried, his voice strained with hurt. "And I'm not leaving your side!"

Garak spun to him, his eyes two blazing-hot sapphires. "It would be in your best interest to leave me, Julian. Now. Before you get hurt."

 _I'm already hurt_ , whispered through Julian's mind, and tears sprung to his eyes. "Garak, I'm already hurt, because you're hurt. Please don't shut me out. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong, and maybe I can..."

"Doctor!" Garak snarled, "You can't help. Don't you understand? No one can help!" Spinning wildly, Garak grabbed whatever items were within arms' reach and tossed them against the walls, screaming at each heave.

"Just get out!" {crash}

"I can't deal with this!" {shattering glass}

"I hate him!" {crash}

"I loved him!"

The last item, a small figurine, fell from Garak's fingertips to shatter on the floor. Garak sank to his knees, choking back sobs. "Damn that sunovabitch. I loved him. Even after everything, I love him. Why did I ever love him!" he cried.

"Oh, Garak," Julian murmured as he knelt beside the Cardassian, tears falling from his own eyes at the anguish in Garak's voice.

"He took me under his wing. He guided me, honed me to become his right hand man. My parents were so proud. I had been chosen to be in the Obsidian Order! It was the highest honor my people could bestow. And Tain personally picked _me_."

Garak smiled, ignoring the tears tracing down his face. "He said I was perfect material. I had no scruples, no morals. I would do whatever was necessary, and not have a guilty conscience afterwards. He joked I didn't have a conscience."

"But you do," Julian interjected quietly.

Garak's head shook. "No. Not back then. Not when I was interrogating prisoners." His voice fell to one of remembrance; soft, with a note of cynical wisdom creeping in. "Do you know I was stationed on Bajor? That I was in charge of the entire Central City Occupational Front? I was. Gul Garak, that was my title. My name caused Bajorans to quake in fear. Quite a few Cardassians too, as I recall. When they were brought before me, they were begging to tell everything, sometimes before I even walked into the room.

"The stubborn ones, those were the entertaining ones. The ones who thought they could withstand my torture. What they didn't know was that I rarely, if ever, touched a prisoner. I never had to. Tain - Tain." Garak's voice dropped it's lighthearted timbre and sobered to a quiet level. "He used to compliment me, say that prisoners would tell him that I didn't touch them; that I just stared at them. Mesmerized them into telling me what I wanted to know. In a way, I guess that's true. I could see down to their souls; I could see the confession they wanted to speak, I just drew it out of them. All by staring at them."

Garak then turned to Julian, staring deeply into his red-rimmed eyes. "And I can still do it. I could see that you were hesitant about our relationship changing. But you summoned courage and went ahead and tried. Do you know why?" Julian stared back at him, his eyes two dark pools of confusion and pain. When he didn't answer, Garak answered for him, "Because I wanted you to. Because I made you. Don't you see? We can't be involved, because I'll make you do something you don't want to do - I'll hurt you!"

Julian snapped out of his internal focus and answered confidently, "You won't hurt me, Garak. I know you won't, because you care for me. And when you care for someone -"

"That doesn't apply to me, doctor. You still don't understand it," the Cardassian snapped. Sighing, he continued, "Tain was very, very proud of me. So proud, in fact, that one night, he called me to his quarters. Nothing unusual in that. We had late-night strategy meetings for months when I first joined the Order. But this happened right after my first interrogation. I was still a bit shaken by it. I mean, I had wretched this confession out of a guilty man."

Garak paused, eyes glittering in the half-light. "Do you know the power that flows through you at that? Knowing you had power over another, and they bent to your will? It's invigorating. Stimulating. Empowering. So when Tain called me to his quarters, I had an attitude. And he sensed it right away. Came up to me - we never said a word. I just kissed him, forced him back on the bed, and fucked him. Oh, sure, there was a bit of teasing at first, but I was so full of myself, I didn't notice what I was doing to him.

"I admit now, it scared me. To completely lose control like that. To want to lose control like that. But the sex was incredible. I - took him, pounded into him until he cried out, until I came so forcefully I passed out. I awoke with Tain next to me. He kissed me, then proceeded to repay me. Twice over."

More tears flowed down Garak's cheeks as he continued in a shaky breath, "He didn't just take my body, Julian. He possessed my mind, my soul. I couldn't ever tell him no. He wanted to use restraints? Fine. He wanted me to jerk myself off? Fine. He wanted to whip me? Fine. He wanted to bite me, pinch me, beat me, mark me; fine. As long as he let me in his bed, I didn't care. I just didn't care...

"Until the night I came in, and he had another in bed with him. A young girl, she couldn't have been much older than her first - time - and she smiled at me. That was all she did. Smiled at me. Tain slipped out of the bed, came over to me, and stripped me. He shoved me into the bed, into her arms.

"I never even knew her name. I just fucked her. Fucked her, bit her, made her cry out - she scratched my back to shreds, she bruised my thighs, I didn't care. She passed out, I think, sometime - I don't remember much. The last thing I remember is Tain pulling me off her, slapping me. I was used to that; after all, he had marked nearly every inch of me already.

"But I slapped back. I was so out of control that I had to do something. So I lashed out at him, but he lashed back. He beat me to the floor, shoving my arms up behind my back. He held me like that while he fucked me. Hard." His voice choked, softening to a painful whisper. "Great Gul, I had never experienced such pain. I felt him tearing me as he entered me, but he didn't stop. He just kept pounding into me, ignoring my pleas, ignoring everything...I was bleeding long before he got done with me. I passed out, eventually. The pain was just too great. When I woke up, I was on the floor still. Tain was in a chair, perfectly groomed, calmly sipping Kanaar.

"After that, I went and had the implant put in. Never again would I be subject to that much pain. He called me a coward, not worthy of him, and ordered me out. As if I would let that bastard touch me again. He never did understand why I didn't come back to his bed after that. He thought I enjoyed it. He knew I was devoted to him; even loved him, but he used me.

"I threw myself into my work. Bajorans feared coming to me. Some actually asked for death rather than have to put up with my torture. All my anger at Tain I channeled into my work. Every prisoner suffered because _I_ had suffered. Whatever I went through, _they_ went through."

Garak paused, blinking away some of the memories. "No, that's not true. I never raped them. Never. I just could not do that to another. Tain had taught me that it was within me, and I fought that with every fiber in my being. It was hard, when the younger women and men would throw themselves at me, begging to be let go, offering their bodies in lieu of the torture. I think that was when I snapped. I just could not do it anymore.

"So I started looking for a way out of the Order. Unfortunately, there is no way out of the Order. You are a member for life. The only way for me to leave was to die. But I found a stipulation in the old texts. If I did something that disgraced another member of the Order, I could be exiled, never to return home. At the time, I thought it was my only option. I had to get away from Tain. He had started asking after me, even visited Bajor once, trying to convince me to return to Cardassia with him.

"So I tried to disgrace Dukat. He was running Terok Nor; and rather efficiently, I might add. I had his father brought up on charges, but he was cleared. But not before his name was tainted. But it wasn't enough. Tain had me cleared of all wrongdoing. The bastard. He refused to let me go!"

Garak's voice dropped again, to nearly a whisper. "So I turned my attentions a bit closer to home. I tried to disgrace Tain - by disgracing myself. I planted some very obvious evidence against myself, trying to make it look like I had been letting prisoners go. That I had gone soft. Tain of course denied it, and traveled again to Bajor to see for himself.

"When he arrived, he saw me shoving three Bajoran children into the street, telling them to hide, to run, that they could have the money if they never told another living soul that I had let them go.

"Tain saw this, and he could not dismiss what he saw with his own eyes. So the sentence was swift, and I was exiled here. Where I thought I was free of Tain." Garak paused, breathing hard, willing himself to calm down. "Then he shows up in the Gamma Quadrant, and invites me back as if nothing had happened. Forgiven, but not forgotten. I thought I could live with that. But the second he tried to touch me, I recoiled.

"The arrogant bastard thought I was just flirting with him. He still didn't realize how deeply he hurt me, or how much I hated him. He made the offer of torturing Odo; I took it. I don't know why. The anger had returned, burning in my chest, and I wanted it out. Released. And the only way I had ever known to release it was through torture. So I did it.

"Or at least, I tried to." Garak began rocking softly, huddled in a ball on the floor, lulling himself into a near-trance. "I was in the room with Odo, the device was holding his shape for him, and I felt - pity. I couldn't do this anymore. I wasn't this person, this interrogator anymore. I shut it off," he confessed, his voice a breathy whisper. "I shut it off, laid my head on the table, and cried. No one knows that; not Odo, not Tain. No one. The Great Gul Garak, feared by everyone, bawled like a baby. It was disgraceful.

"Yet, Tain didn't realize what I had done. He thought I had broken him. I reported that he knew nothing, and Tain believed me. He always believed me, except when I told him the truth. I tried to tell him the invasion was doomed; he didn't believe me. I tried to tell him there was a traitor on board; he didn't believe me. I told him I wanted back in the Order - he believed me...

"Out of misplaced sense of loyalty, I tried to save him. Did you know that? I went back to save him. I didn't want him to die alone on that ship. But Odo stopped me before I could make him come with me. I tried to make amends, but I failed. For the first time in my life, I failed."

Garak fell silent then, his quiet sobs the only sound between them.

Julian was in utter shock, his face wet, eyes red-rimmed. The life Garak had led! The things he had gone through. This was the truth; that much he was certain of. Garak had been too convincing, too open, too physically shaken for this to have been a fabrication. And it fit in what little he knew about Tain, about Garak's exile, and about what he had told him in the throes of his withdrawal. It was unlikely he could remember what he said then.

"Garak, Garak," he murmured, wrapping a slender arm around the Cardassian's broad shoulders.

"Leave me be, doctor. I don't deserve you." Garak tried to shove the Human away, but all his strength had fled, and his arms pushed uselessly against the slim chest. Before he could think, his arms were wrapped tightly around Julian, drawing him as close as possible.

"You didn't deserve the life you were forced to live, Garak. You did the best you could with what you'd been given. You're free of that life, Garak." Julian spoke softly, his hands moving slowly along the rough Cardassian skin, soothing him.

"I'll never be free. Tain still manages to ruin my life, even from the grave." Garak lifted his tear-stained face, staring hard at Julian. "I can't have the one thing I want most. You."

Julian's hand caressed Garak's cheek. "You can have me, Garak. I'm not going anywhere."

Garak stared at him, astonished, disbelieving. "But - after what I just told you...what I did..."

"Is in the past," Julian asserted, holding Garak's head steady with his hand, forcing the tailor to look at him. "As I told you before, I don't care what you did, or who you were. I only know Garak, a plain and simple tailor - and my friend."

"I don't deserve you..." Garak murmured, a small smile gracing his lips, "but by Great Gul, I want you."

"And I want you," Julian replied huskily, brushing his lips against the tailor's.

"Julian," Garak breathed, his eyes closing as his mouth sought the doctor's; lips parting, teeth nipping, it was more a teasing than a kiss, and it was slow, hesitant.

Garak's hand curled in Julian's tousled hair, pulling him closer as their kiss deepened; tongues now exploring, growing more urgent.

Panting, Julian broke the kiss. "Please, Garak, let's go slowly this time. I don't want to bring up bad memories for you again."

Garak studied the young man in his arms; his wide, trusting eyes, full of sincerity and sorrow, and felt something inside him melt. Just a little. Just enough. "Julian, I am ready to let someone into my life. I am ready to banish Tain from my soul. Help me," he whispered, leaning his forehead against Julian's.

"I will. I promise. You won't have any reason to remember him, when we're through. I'm not anything like him," the doctor murmured as he nipped lightly along Garak's neckridges. He continued his verbal seduction as his tongue licked along the ridges, down his neck, across his shoulders, where they flared into scales along his arms and chest. Kissing each one lightly, his hands at the tailor's waist, he whispered, "You're beautiful. I promise to make you feel as beautiful as you are. I will make this enjoyable for you, and I know you'll do the same. I need you. You are my other half. All we need is the other."

Panting, sweat breaking over his body as Julian continued his assault on his senses, the Cardassian fell back against the couch, his limbs too weak to do much more than rub at the Human's smooth back. "I believe you, Julian. I've always believed you. You've never spoken a lie in your life. It's one of the things I love about you."

Julian stopped his ministrations, much to Garak's distress. He raised his head to look the Cardassian square in the eye. "Garak, I want you," he stated clearly. "I want you to make love to me."

A soft moan was his answer, as Garak's mouth closed over his; hot, demanding, passionate. Murmuring against the Cardassian's hot mouth, Julian again reminded him, "Slowly, Garak. We have all the time in the universe."

Nodding, not trusting himself to speak, Garak helped Julian to his feet and followed him into the bedroom. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he pulled off his trousers, his underpants quickly following them onto the floor. He kept his head bent, not looking at the Human.

Julian watched Garak's hands move with great care, almost hesitant, and shook his head sadly. _What he did to you my friend_... _I wish I had known. I would have hurt him myself_. Tears sprang anew to his eyes as he knelt at Garak's feet.

"Garak, look at me," Julian pleaded softly, resting his hands on the tailor's knees.

Garak shuddered, the heat radiating from Julian's hands permeating his skin and setting his own blood afire. He slowly raised his eyes to meet the doctor's, and saw the assurance there. This was Julian. He would not hurt him. He had never hurt him. He had saved him, not that long ago...

Closing his eyes, Garak nodded. "I'm ready," he whispered, trying not to tense as he anticipated Julian's touch. He jumped as the doctor's hands traced a light path down his legs. Trembling, waiting for the pain - he was conditioned well, tensing then releasing it, to dull the pain - his eyes eventually opened when he no longer felt Julian's touch.

He stared into those deep, dark eyes, full of - regret? Hurt? "Julian?" he inquired, forgetting his immediate fear as he watched Julian's eyes fill.

"You can't even relax from my touch, can you Garak? He hurt you that deeply?" The doctor's voice wasn't cynical or sarcastic; just infinitely sad.

"I'm afraid so," Garak admitted hoarsely, sliding his gaze away from the doctor. He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "But I trust you know what you're doing."

"Garak, would it be better if we just talked? We don't have to do this right now..." Julian tried to give his friend an outlet, seeing how distressed he had become. Ignoring his own burning need, the Human added, "I don't want to rush you."

"You're hardly rushing things," Garak laughed mirthlessly. "This has been building for four years. And you're obviously ready," he observed wryly, staring pointedly at Julian's full erection.

"I doesn't matter what I want, Garak," Julian began exasperatedly, before reigning in his emotions. He lowered his voice to a soothing tone. "I can wait. I will wait, for as long as you need me to wait."

Garak's eyes filled with sorrow. "Julian, I don't want to wait. I want to banish him from my soul. Tonight." He took a deep breath. "With you."

Julian blew out a breath between his clenched teeth, trying to control his more basic urges. "All right, Garak. We'll try this. Lie down," he instructed.

Garak cocked an eyeridge at him, but obeyed. Cradling his head in his arm, Garak turned his head to watch the doctor sit next to him on the bed, taking care not to touch him.

"I'm going to tell you exactly what I'm going to do, before I do it," Julian explained. "I'm only going to give you a massage. If you start to panic, just tell me and I'll stop."

Garak again nodded, keeping his eyes on Julian's nude figure as he turned and placed his warm hands lightly at his shoulders. "How sensitive are your neckridges?" Julian asked, pulling his hands back.

Garak smiled wryly. "Normally, I would say very sensitive, but they haven't been stimulated in a very long time. I think the skin has hardened too much for me to feel very much."

Julian murmured something under his breath, something that Garak just barely heard. "What did you say?" he asked, raising his head to lock his gaze to Julian's.

"I said, I hate him," Julian whispered, rare anger hardening his face. "I hate what he's made you. I hate what's happened to you because of him. I hate -"

"That he's taken you from me, before you've even had me?" Garak finished for him, completely toneless. "I warned you of that earlier, Julian. That, and that alone, is what curses my soul."

"Damn him," Julian hissed under his breath. Shaking off his anger, he adopted his best professional attitude. "All right, we'll try this again. I'm going to start at your shoulderblades, then work my way down. Just tell me when to stop," he reminded the Cardassian.

Nodding, Garak lay his head back down, concentrating on regulating his breathing. Julian's smooth hands traced once down his back, then rested at his shoulders, the fingertips slowly massaging the muscles. Garak let out a breath, feeling some of the tension ease. The doctor's hands worked lightly at his skin, starting by barely touching him, then slowly building pressure, until Garak felt the muscles relax. Julian's hands moved to the scales flaring out from the neckridges, rubbing at each one in turn. Soon, Garak rolled his shoulders, feeling looser than they had in a long time.

"Mm, that feels good, Julian," he murmured as the doctor's hands slid to his middle back, rubbing lightly at the ridge covering his spine.

Julian was breathing heavily, unable to keep his professional detachment as the tantalizing expanse of the Cardassian's back moved under his hands. Garak's skin had a dry, leathery feel, but it was pliable. The scales flaring out from his neckridges were tougher than the rest of his skin, but were also surprisingly soft. The spinal ridge gave under his hands; it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be, either. It seemed every part of Garak wasn't as hard as he had thought.

Biting back a moan, Julian continued massaging the gray skin, only brushing lightly over the promising ass as he moved to his thighs. Working the tense muscles there, Julian grew absorbed in loosening the muscles, and temporarily shoved his desire to the back of his mind.

Garak bit back a moan as Julian's hands brushed over his ass. He understood why Julian was avoiding that particular part of him, but right now, he was so aroused, he doubted he would have cared. But he controlled himself and allowed the doctor to continue to massage him, feeling himself relax under the talented hands.

Rubbing each toe between his thumb and finger, Julian massaged Garak's feet, marveling at the near-webbing that connected his toes. Switching to the other foot, Julian began working his way up that leg, to the strong thigh, hesitating at Garak's ass.

"Garak," Julian called huskily, licking his lips.

Heavily-lidded eyes met the doctor's, and an unspoken conversation flew between them. Garak rolled onto his side, and Julian curled his body next his, both staring hard at the other.

Julian held his breath, waiting for Garak to make the first move, though his entire body screamed to touch him.

Hesitantly, Garak trailed a finger over Julian's lower lip. His fingertips shifted to Julian's neck, running down the smooth expanse, brushing lightly over the honey-colored chest, settling on the slim hip of the Human. Eyes the color of the Earth's seas met Julian's, unhesitantly, and Garak leaned forward, touching his lips to Julian's.

The light touch quickly segued into an intense kiss, and Garak broke it off, panting heavily. "Wait," he breathed, catching his breath.

"I'm sorry," Julian abused himself silently. "I didn't mean to..."

"It wasn't you," Garak assured him. Leaning to Julian again, he pressed his lips to the Human's, parting the full lips with his tongue and thrusting inside. The heat of Julian's mouth excited him, aroused him, until he felt confident enough to slide his hand up the doctor's side, to cup his head as Garak plundered Julian's mouth.

When Julian started to whimper, Garak pulled back, taking in a great lungful of air. "Sorry...Julian..." he apologized between breaths. "Haven't...done that in a long time."

"Don't...apologize," Julian managed to blurt out, his face flushed from desire, his slight chest rising and falling quickly. "That's one of the best kisses I've ever experienced."

Garak looked at him in surprise. "Thank you, I think," he added, unsure again. Licking his lips, he dove back into Julian's mouth, rolling half atop the Human. His free hand trailed down Julian's chest, rubbing lightly as it went further, past his ribs, past his stomach, to rest at his groin. He ran his fingertips through Julian's tight curls, finally grasping the doctor's erection.

Moaning, Julian fought with his body's urges to thrust. "Garak," he panted, breaking away from the Cardassian's mouth. "Garak, don't. I don't want to..."

"Shh, Julian. I want to do this. Relax," Garak interrupted him with a smile. His hand curled around the doctor's sex, stroking it firmly from base to head. Julian writhed under him, his eyes closing as Garak's hand worked him closer to the brink. The Human's hips began to thrust against his hand, and Garak fought down the urge to tug mercilessly. Chanting to himself, _this is not Tain, this is NOT TAIN_ , he brought Julian to the edge, then over it.

Moaning softly, Julian arched his back and thrust hard, spilling his semen into Garak's hand and himself. Panting, blinking sweat out of his eyes, Julian smiled demurely at his lover.

"Garak," he whispered, running his hand down the Cardassian's arm.

"It's all right, Julian." Garak tried to keep his tone light, though his voice shook with emotion.

Julian studied his friend's expression, noting how his eyes had shrank back into the past; how his face had gone pale. "No, it's not all right," he whispered, stroking the Cardassian's cheek. "What is it?"

Garak stared at his hand, coated with Julian's essence, then closed his eyes. A feeling of great sadness settle in his chest, and the force of it nearly crushed him. "Just - remembering. A time when things were good between Tain and myself. This is very painful for me, Julian," he whispered, tears spilling from his tightly closed eyes.

"I know. It will be all right, Garak. I will make it all right. I promise." Julian sat up and hugged Garak tightly, kissing the side of his neck.

"I - want to believe you, Julian. I really do. But how long will it take?" Garak asked softly, pulling back to study his friend's - no, _lover's_ he corrected himself - expression. Those huge eyes bored into his, reflecting determination and understanding.

"As long as it takes," Julian answered simply, firmly, lacing his fingers behind the serrated neck. "And I will be there, every step of the way."

"I know you will," Garak murmured, his fingers brushing Julian's smooth cheek. Leaning forward, he touched his lips to the Human's; lightly, with just a hint of his underlying passion.

Moaning lightly, Julian's hands strayed down Garak's chest, teasing at his semi-erect member, nibbling at his lips.

Garak started, then relaxed into Julian's embrace, allowing him to push him back onto the bed. The doctor's light frame was atop his chest, his hand continuing to stroke his sex to firmness. His arms came up around Julian's slight figure, his hands splayed across the smooth expanse of back.

Julian parted his lips to Garak's questing tongue, allowing him to take the lead. Garak arched under him, his hips thrusting lightly up into his hand. He eased back, letting Garak get accustomed to him, then began stroking him again, more firmly this time.

Garak groaned, his entire body singing with pleasure. Thoughts of Tain were far from his mind as his doctor stroked him to a climax that shook him to the core. Stars filled his vision, a myriad of colors flashing before him as the wave crashed over him. Gasping, twitching, he thrust his hips hard against Julian's hand, spilling his seed onto their sweat-covered bodies. As he lay panting, he felt Julian gather him into his arms in a tight embrace.

As his breathing returned to normal, Julian looked askance at him. "How are you?" he asked, wiping an eyeridge tenderly.

"All right," he answered, strength returning to his voice. His eyes connected with the Human's, shining with tears. A small smile graced his lips as he restated, " _I'm_ all right."

"Glad to hear it," Julian smiled, kissing his cheek tenderly. "Would you stay here tonight?"

"Why, I-" Garak blinked in astonishment, then a warm smile bloomed across his features. "Only if I get to hold you all night, my dear doctor."

"Of that, there is no doubt," Julian remarked wryly, rubbing his nose to Garak's. "But I'll understand if you don't want anymore."

"I - don't. Tonight was enough of a break-through, wouldn't you say?" the Cardassian tilted his head, regarding the Human in his arms. "I feel free, for the first time in my life."

"Then tonight was enough," Julian affirmed quietly, his eyes shining with deep caring. "Let's say we get cleaned up, then get some sleep."

"Sounds wonderful to me. You first," Garak offered. He watched as Julian retired to the 'fresher, then left the bed to stand before the porthole, looking out at the stars.

Hugging his arms to himself, he whispered, "Good-bye, my old friend. My old lover. May you walk with the Great Gul and tell stories of your great family," his eyes fixating on the steady light shining from Cardassia Prime.

The End


End file.
